A Breakup Letter To My Other Hair Growth Shampoo

Dear Chemical-Laden Hair Growth Shampoo,

We need to talk. It’s not you… it’s me. Okay, fine. That’s not true. It’s you, 100 percent.

I was in a bad place when we met. I had been up late fretting over my hair loss. Between the reruns of Judge Judy and Jerry Springer, you came on the TV. You looked so promising — in fact, you did make promises. You promised to grow my hair back, you promised to bring back my confidence. You even showed pictures of other people who you’ve been with, and how much they had improved! I was in such a low place that I believed it could happen to me too. But I didn’t do my research, I just trusted the pictures and learned the truth later.

A few months into our relationship, nothing had changed. In fact, I was doing worse than before. Not only was my hair still falling out, my scalp was now red and irritated. Finally, I came to my senses. I looked at your ingredient list and was shocked when I didn’t recognize anything I saw. Suddenly the hair growth shampoo that I had put my faith in to grow my hair was a stranger. You looked good on the outside, but you were full of demons. Parabens, alcohol, chemicals... No wonder you were quietly hurting my scalp the whole time!

And now, what’s left of you has been sitting in my shower for weeks collecting mildew. It’s hard to look at you and think of all the time and money I spent on you.

You need to do some soul searching, Chemical-Laden Hair Growth Shampoo. You need to examine yourself and discover what you want and what you can do for me, because right now, you’re not doing anything for me.

Shhh! Don’t say anything. I know what you’re going to say because I’ve heard it a hundred times before. You’ll say, “But - but - but! I contain Minoxidil! It’s an active ingredient!” Well, guess what? I Googled you. I found your secret online profiles. I found out that Minoxidil can actually be harmful. You’re supposed to be good for me, but in big, bold letters you have a warning that says burning and redness may occur and Warning: Do not use more than directed. That’s scary! Not to mention the fact that while you may make hair grow, no one truly knows why. I want a hair growth shampoo that knows how it works, not one that is lost and unsure. I deserve that much after all we’ve been through.


The truth is, Chemical-Laden Hair Growth Shampoo, that I’ve found someone else. You’re no good for me. This new shampoo I met… they’re everything I ever wanted from a hair growth shampoo. They don’t have any of the junk that’s in you. No parabens, no alcohol, no hormones… and they never harm animals! They are an all-around better shampoo and better option for me.

Chemical-Laden Hair Growth Shampoo, you may work for some people, but you’re not for me. I need a shampoo that not only helps my hair grow, but helps nourish it as well and doesn’t irritate my scalp. Nourish Beaute is that shampoo I’ve been looking for. They are full of life and hope! They use a DHT-blocker to help my hair grow - and its derived from items found in nature, not some accidental science experiment gone wrong. Plus, Nourish Beaute doesn’t only make my hair grow - it nourishes it, too, with coconut and castor oils.

What I’m saying is, it’s over between us. I’ve moved on. I found the hair growth shampoo I’ve dreamed about for my whole life.

Sincerely,

Me.

P.S. I was tired of your weird chemical smell, anyways. Nourish Beaute smells soooo much nicer than you ever will.